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More Than a Memoir

Library of Wisdom

Hard-earned lessons from lives shared by choice — every card donated deliberately by its author, with the whole life behind it. The Library is young; it grows one life at a time.

3 cards from 2 lives on illness & health.

Illness & health · Faith & doubt

On becoming the patient

I spent thirty-four years on the knowledge side of the microscope, and then one biopsy moved me to the other side, and I will report the finding honestly: nothing I knew about lymphoma prepared me for having it, and everything I knew about uncertainty did. Science had trained me to live without final answers — to act well on incomplete data. It turns out that is the entire skill of being seriously ill. The scans come back ambiguous, the odds are ranges, and you must live anyway, Tuesday after Tuesday. If you can hold 'I don't know yet' without letting it become 'I fear the worst,' you have the only equipment that helps.

To someone younger: Learn to act well on incomplete data. Everything serious requires it.

Dr. Priya Sharma · Immunologist — thirty-four years at NIH, BethesdaDemonstration

Aging · Illness & health

Installments

The body resigns in installments. The hands went first, which for a man in my trade is the punchline of a long joke. Here's what I know: you don't have to accept every resignation. I fought the hands three years with a buddy at the VA, a rubber ball, and pure spite, and I got a lot of good Sundays out of the fighting. Some things you fight. Some you let go. Getting old is the sorting, and nobody can do the sorting for you.

Frank Moretti · Marine, tool-and-die maker, grandfather — Toledo, OhioDemonstration

Failure & setbacks · Illness & health

The drinking years

From '71 to about '78 I tried to drown something that swims. That's the whole story of drinking, anybody's drinking, and you can have it for free: the thing you're pouring on swims. Angela didn't save me — get that straight, nobody saves you, that's movie talk. She just refused to pretend it wasn't happening, out loud, at the table, every time. That plus a VA basement full of men who'd been where I'd been. If you're in years like those: it swims. Deal with it dry.

To someone younger: It swims. Deal with it dry.

Frank Moretti · Marine, tool-and-die maker, grandfather — Toledo, OhioDemonstration

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